Hilf Mir Fliegen Help Me Fly
by xghost-x-writerx
Summary: Tokio Hotel story. Can there ever really be a "Happy Ending"? Will be updated as regularly as possible. Reviews/criticism/compliments are all gratefully accepted.
1. Chapter 1

He took a deep breath. This was the moment he'd been longing for _every_ second for the last 3 years.

He'd spent the last 5 minutes staring at her through the glass pane while trying to regulate his rapid breathing. Now was not the time to have a panic attack! 1...2...3...he counted as he inhaled and exhaled calmly.

He admired the long chocolate coloured curls that travelled down to the small of her back. She had a pretty face. Her lips were full and coated with a clear gloss, he noticed. Her eyes, almost the same colour as her hair, were full of anticipation. She was wearing a red singlet with matching heels and tight black jeans that showed off her killer legs. He watched as she fidgeted nervously and took a sip of the ice water the waiter had placed in front of her.

"This is it..." he thought.

He took a final deep breath as he pushed the door open. It felt like everyone in the room was staring at him. Including her. He felt his face redden as their eyes met across the room. A shy smile crept across her face making it light up. She looked even more beautiful, if that was at all possible.

"Bill...hi!" She grinned as he gave her a hug and kissed her cheek lightly.

Sitting opposite her, he could see her beauty in so much more detail. Like the amber flecks that floated in the chocolate pools that were her eyes, the beauty mark under her right eye that was so tiny but made all the difference... And her piercing! Wow. He _loved_ that piercing. The way the silver ring hugged her plump lip, mmm! She'd gone through a drastic change since the last time they'd seen each other, but he was glad she kept the lip ring. He remembered the day they'd gone to the piercing shop together; she got her lip pierced and Bill pierced his tongue. She'd always liked that about him too.

Last time they'd seen each other her hair was as red as fire and her eyelids were painted black. She wore a Greenday tee, their **favourite** band, and a short denim skirt...knee length socks and her brand new converse. Bill remembered every detail of the day well. His heart ached at the painful memory.

"So, what made you call?" She asked.  
"Well, you know..." He started. "The band is in town to record the new album and...I missed you." He was blushing now and avoiding eye contact.  
She paused. "I missed you too."  
She reached across the table for his hand and stroked it gently. He managed a smile.  
"I'm sor-"  
"Don't, Bill...Please." She removed her hand from his.  
"I need to explain."  
"No, it's fine. It was a long time ago-"  
"_**Please**_ Brooke, just let me explain?" He begged.

She thought about it and rolled her eyes as she let out a sigh. There's no way she was going to win, he was very stubborn! He took her hand and looked apologetic as he started.  
"You know how important the band is to me...and Tom, right? Well, we'd finally been given a break! Mutti had been working _so_ hard to find us a manager and she eventually found someone willing to give us a shot. Things happened so fast... We met him one day, sang him a few songs and the next day he had us playing for producers and labels. We didn't know what was going on, we just went with it. We were offered a contract and had to fly out to L.A. the next day..."

Brooke remembered their last day together too, and the heartache that followed.


	2. Chapter 2 Brooke's Flashback

She looked at the phone screen as it rang. _Billa mobile._ She answered immediately.  
"Bill! Hey, how are you?"  
"I'm ok...what are you up to?"  
"Just hanging out in my room, catching up on some reading, you know...the usual!" she laughed.

It was a Sunday and Bill knew the routine! Brooke would get up late, make her bed and clean her room, and then she'd shower, throw on some comfy clothes and make her way down to the kitchen to get some breakfast – leftover pizza! Her parents went out on a Sunday so she'd enjoy the peace and lounge around reading a book or rocking out to her favourite CD. Bill and his brother Tom were regular guests for dinner on Sunday evening. It was Brooke's favourite day. She got to hang out with her favourite twins, her two best friends in the whole world.

"We can't make dinner tonight." He started.  
Brooke's heart sank. They never cancelled on her, they knew better!  
"Brooke?"  
"Yeah?" She realised she hadn't said anything.  
"You went quiet?"  
"Oh...sorry."  
"Are you ok?"  
"Yeah. So, what's up? Why can't you come to dinner?" She asked.  
"Umm...can I come over?"  
"Sure? What's wrong?" She worried.  
"I'd rather talk about it face to face..."  
"Ok...see you in five." She hung up.

Bill only lived next door but she knew he'd have to check his make up before he left the house.  
To her surprise he turned up fresh faced, though he looked sadder than she felt. She left leapt off her bed and pulled him closer.

"What's wrong Billa?"  
"I don't know how to tell you..." He started.  
"Just say it? Come one Billa, you've got me worried!"  
He sat on her bed and pulled her down next to him.  
"We're leaving Germany tomorrow..."  
"WHAT?!" She jumped up off the bed.  
"What do you mean you're _leaving_?!"  
"I...We...Mutti got us..." He sighed. Unable to find the words he threw himself back on the bed.  
"What are you trying to say Bill?" Brooke asked.  
"Mutti got us a manager; he wants us to fly to L.A. tomorrow to meet with some big labels. This could be our big break!"  
"That's great. I'm _**soooooo**_ happy for you." She exaggerated.  
"I thought you might have been..." he muttered.  
"Oh really, I am." She said as she folded her arms.  
"Well if you're so happy for me...us, why are you being so weird with me?"  
"I'm not." She sulked.  
"Brooke? We've known each other since we were FOUR years old. I know when you're upset with me..."  
"I just...what about me?" She whined. "What about **us**?"  
"Nothing's going to change?" he laughed as he stroked her arm.  
She glared at him.  
"Honestly! Brooke, you're my _**best**_ friend! I'm not going to give up my best friend for anything! I'll call you and we can email...I'll probably only be gone a week!" He laughed again.  
She felt silly for overreacting. "Promise?"  
"Promise!" He smiled, kissing her forehead.

After he left, Brooke crawled under her duvet and held a pillow close to her face as she cried herself to sleep.

That night she dreamt of Bill. Tom had always been a good friend to her, but Bill was her _best_ friend. He was always there for her, helping her through the bad times and encouraging her to do the things that would get her grounded, for sure. Whatever it was, he was there and she couldn't imagine how her life would turn out without him. In her dream she replayed their last conversation over and over again. Only, in her dream she was brave. In her dream she kissed him and begged him not to go. In her dream she told him how she really felt; that she was irrevocably in love with him and the thought of not knowing when she'd see him again was tearing her up inside, making it harder and harder to breathe. She woke up with a start, gasping for breath and clutching her knees to her chest.

A month later **Tokio Hotel** were signed to a huge American record label. Bill picked up the phone in their managers office and started to dial a number. The one person he wanted to share this moment with was thousands of miles away. It rang once...twice...three times. Butterflies went crazy in his stomach as he waited for her to answer.  
"Bill, we have to go! You have interviews all morning and a gig tonight, you know there's no time for personal calls!" their manager shouted.

Bill hung up the phone.


	3. Chapter 3

She didn't notice the tears that dampened her eyes.  
"You didn't even call..." She looked away.  
"I'm sorry, we just got busy."  
"Too busy for your _**best**_ friend?"  
He had no words.  
"I would've expected it from Tom, but you? Billa we were so close! How could you throw that away?"  
Bill pulled her closer as the tears flowed effortlessly down her cheeks.  
"Don't!" she pulled away from him.

He really hadn't meant to "forget" her, he hadn't forgotten her at all, but the band had been crazy busy! Meetings here, recordings there, throw in public appearances and gigs and they barely had time for bathroom breaks. How could he make her understand that?

The waiter cleared their plates and asked if they'd like the desert menu. He seemed uncomfortable. Brooke shook her head and Bill dismissed the young man.

"So, where is Tomi?" She asked.  
"He had someone he wanted to catch up with...an old girlfriend, you know how he is. He said he'd hang out with us later though. If you want to hang out with us..."  
She didn't answer.  
"I just thought-" he stopped himself. "Never mind".  
Brooke's silence un-eased him.  
"Brooke, just because I didn't call doesn't mean I didn't think about you **every** single day."  
Her eyes met his.  
"When we played our first gig _**you**_ were the one I wanted there to see it. _**You**_ were the one I wanted to hear our songs first, the first person I wanted to call when things were going well...and when they weren't..."  
"Even if you didn't have time to call, you could've emailed! You know you can email from your mobile." She was still mad.  
"I know..." he sighed. "I _did_ try to call you a few times but something always came up."  
She didn't look convinced.  
"I swear! When we were first signed, I tried to call you but our manager was always pushing us. He'd gone to all the trouble of getting us gigs and arranging interviews so we really had to listen to him. You were the only person I wanted to share the news with and I couldn't..."

She hugged her Billa. Did this mean he was forgiven?  
"You better call that brother of yours," she smiled, "we have some catching up to do.

~*~

~*~

**Bill's Flashback  
**~*~

~*~  
~*~

The last time they'd seen each other was over 3 years ago, Bill remembered.  
The band's manager had meetings and gigs lined up in America, thanks to some contacts that owed him a favour or two. Everything happened really fast; they performed a few intimate gigs, they were signed to a huge record label and sent into the studio where they spent the following year recording their debut album. Between recording and performing gigs, they also had to squeeze in English lessons as well as interviews and TV appearances. The latter became easier as their English progressed. The twins found it frustrating having to wait for someone to translate what the interviewer had said before being able to answer. Georg and Gustav didn't really mind, it's not like they were full of conversation anyway. As long as they smiled, nodded and laughed in the right places, everything was fine. It was mainly Bill the interviewers were interested in; how was he finding life in America, did he like all the attention he was getting from the American girls or was he in a relationship, was he gay? In reality, Tom was getting all the attention. Bill hid himself away writing songs while Tom went to clubs picking up a different girl every night.

He remembered those first few days away from Germany. His homesickness was eased slightly by having his brother and mum around, but he still missed his hometown...his friends...his _Brooke._ He was silent on the flight to L.A. pretending to be asleep if anyone tried to talk to him. He plastered a fake smile across his face, a smile good enough to convince even his own mother that everything was ok, but inside his heart hurt, he missed his best friend.

Tom seemed to handle it well. He'd left a girlfriend back home, but it didn't seem to bother him too much. Even though he didn't speak any English when they arrived in L.A. he'd met a girl within minutes of stepping off the plane. Her name was Sophie and they met as they waited for their luggage. Their relationship lasted a week, which was quite an achievement for Bill's big brother!

"What's wrong with you?" Tom asked his baby brother.  
"Nothing." Bill lied.  
"Billa, you can't lie to me, I'm your brother...your _twin_ brother. I always know when something's wrong."  
Bill sighed as he lay down on the sofa in their apartment. They weren't supposed to have been here _this _long.  
"I miss Brooke" he sighed.  
Tom felt a pang of guilt as he heard her name...he hadn't thought about her much since they'd been in America.  
"Me too" he lied.  
"Really?" Bill asked.  
"Sure," Tom smiled, "those lips...those legs!"  
Bill threw a cushion at Tom's head. "That's disgusting! She's our best friend!"  
Tom laughed. "I was kidding Billa. She does have amazing legs though..."  
Another cushion flew in his direction.  
"We'll have a day off soon, why don't you call her?" Tom suggested.  
"We haven't had a day off in 2 years!" Bill sighed. He was doing that a lot lately.

Their manager had told them they'd be in America for two weeks with the possibility of an extra two weeks in Canada if things went well. 2 years later and they were _still_ here. Bill didn't know how much more of this he could take. Being confined to the same four walls was making him crazy. His airways felt restricted as the walls closed in on him. He had to get out.

He took a deep breath as he waited for the lift. He put his hood up and dark glasses hid bags under his eyes. He played with his long sleeves as he felt a familiar twitch.


	4. Chapter 4 Bill's Flashback Cont

The doors of the lobby opened in front of him and he felt the cool evening breeze hit his face. His skin perked up instantly. Left or right...he wasn't sure. Although Tokio Hotel had lived in the area for a while now, he couldn't remember the last time he left the apartment unaccompanied. He desperately needed someone, but who? Despite being close to Tom he understood that his brother was grieving too, as was his mother. She'd lost her 2 best friends. It had hit them all hard.

Bill looked at his mobile; 21:17. That made it 05:17 in Germany...too early to call Brooke. Even if he did call, what would he say?  
"Hi, remember me? Sorry I haven't been in touch for the last 2 years, but seeing as your parents died, I thought I'd call and see how you were doing..." The words cut deep and he could feel tears dampen his eyes. He'd been a pretty crappy friend. They'd always been there for each other, and no, during what would probably be the hardest time of her life, where was he? 5,769 miles away.

The L.A. traffic disturbed his thoughts. He needed to go home, to his _real_ home, to Magdeburg.  
"Mutti?"  
"Bill? Bill! Where are you?" The connection was bad.  
"Mutti, I need to go home." He fought back the tears.  
"Tell me where you are and I'll send a driver to get you."  
"No, I need to go _**home**_. Back to Magdeburg."  
"Of course baby, just come back to the apartment and we'll talk about it..."  
Bill hung up.

His mum was always there for him and Tom, as well as Georg and Gustav. She was like their chaperone on the "trip" to America. Bill knew he wouldn't have lasted this long without her.

On the way back to the apartment Bill thought about their time in the US; so many things had happened to them and they'd been given such amazing opportunities, but he couldn't enjoy any of that knowing his best friend was going through hell.

Back at the apartment Simone had gathered the rest of the band and their manager, David, was on his way. Bill wasn't expecting to see so many faces as he walked into the room. He wiped his eyes sheepishly, hoping nobody could tell he'd been crying. Tom hugged his brother.

"What's going on?" Gustav asked.  
"Yeah, your mom said you want to go back to Germany? Are you leaving the band?!" Georg was distressed.  
"Of course not! I just have some things I need to do back home." Bill explained.  
"You have commitments..." Their manager had arrived.  
"I know but couldn't we put them on hold for a few weeks?" Bill pleaded.  
"I doubt it! Do you know how many favours I called in to get you some of these gigs..."  
Bill hated this. He hadn't meant to cause any trouble.  
"Look, i'll see what I can do." David said.

Gustav and Georg stayed long after David had left, unsure of their future...of _Tokio Hotel'_s future.

*

*

*

Bill jumped as the sound of his ringtone woke him. He peeled a sheet of paper from his face, he'd fallen asleep writing again.  
"Hallo?...When?...How long?...And then what?...You're sure?...That's great news, thanks David."  
It was settled, four more weeks and they'd be on their way back to Germany where they'd be given three months studio time to do some work on their new album. David put emphasis on the fact that it would only be _**three months**_, no longer.

Bill was going home.


	5. Chapter 5 Bill's Flasback Cont

Bill opened his notebook. It went everywhere with him, along with his dictaphone; he never knew when he'd be inspired to write a new song. Tom sat opposite him strumming away at his acoustic guitar.

"How about this?" Tom asked as he played a few notes.  
"Hmm..." Bill thought hard "slow it down a little?"  
Tom played the tune again, but slower this time.  
"Perfect!" Bill smiled.

"_Das Fenster öffnet sich nich' mehr  
Hier drin´ ist es voll von dir und leer  
Und vor mir geht die letzte Kerze aus  
Ich warte schon ´ne Ewigkeit  
Endlich ist es jetzt soweit  
Da draußen zieh´n die schwarzen Wolken auf_"

Tom smiled as he listened to his brother sing. He'd been pacing the floor with the dictaphone attached to his mouth and they both knew this song sounded _amazing._ Tom let his fingers work their magic and carried on playing...

"_Ich muss durch den Monsun, hinter die Welt  
Ans Ende der Zeit, bis kein Regen mehr fällt  
Gegen den Sturm - am Abgrund entlang  
Und wenn ich nicht mehr kann, denk´ ich daran  
Irgendwann laufen wir zusammen  
Weil uns einfach nichts mehr halten kann  
Durch den Monsun, dann wird alles gut_

´_N halber Mond versinkt vor mir  
War der eben noch bei dir  
Und hält er wirklich was er mir verspricht  
Ich weiß, dass ich dich finden kann  
Hör´ deinen Namen im Orkan  
Ich glaub', noch mehr dran glauben kann ich nich'_"

Bill pressed the "stop" button on his dictaphone and turned to face his brother.  
"Nice work Tomi, that sounded great!"  
"Ditto..." His brother grinned.  
Bill clapped his hands together excitedly causing his twin to laugh. He loved when Bill was excited, his face lit up like a kid at Christmas who had just seen the huge pile of presents left by Santa. They were going back home to Germany to record their new album. In a month they'd be in the comfort of their own home, sleeping in their own beds..._seeing their loved ones._

Simone walked through the door carrying a brown paper bag. Tom's nostrils flared as he sniffed.  
"Do I smell burgers?!" his eyes widened.  
"Mutti! You brought us food?" Bill embraced his mother in a hug.  
"You'd think you boys hadn't eaten in months!" she laughed.  
"It feels like it!" Tom added as he rubbed his stomach.  
"Bill, I need to talk to you when you've finished eating..." She looked worried.  
"Mmhmm" he nodded, his mouth too full to speak.

When they'd finished eating Tom watched as his mother took Bill aside, her hand gently stroking his arm as they spoke. He watched Bill's expression change. He saw the first tears fall from Bill's eyes and the many that followed. He saw his baby brother fall to his knees, destroyed.

"Bill?...Billa?...Look at me?" he lifted his brothers chin with his finger.  
"Bill? What's wrong?" he wrapped his arm around his brother and held him tightly.

That was the day Brooke's parents had died. Bill wished he could've been there to comfort her, though how he didn't quite know how he'd have done that...he was grieving too. He loved Brooke's parents like his own; they'd welcomed him and Tom into their home from the age of 4 and never once complained when the twins had eaten all of the ice cream or drank all the Coca Cola.  
His heart ached as he thought of Brooke. Her face, stained with make-up that had run as she cried. Her beautiful, chocolate brown eyes were red and puffy and she couldn't bring herself to stand upright. Hugging her legs as close to her chest as she possibly could was keeping in all of the sadness. It suppressed every scream and sob that filled her body and longed to escape.

He hadn't spoken to her, but he guessed that would be how she dealt with it. She wasn't the type to wear her heart on her sleeve. Her grief would be kept private and any crying she did would be confined to the four walls of her bedroom. That's just how she was.

Bill had his way of dealing with things too. A way to release all the pain, the anger, the hurt, the longing...

He'd begged and pleaded with David to let them leave America early but they had commitments that they couldn't get out of. They had another month in the US before they could _finally_ go home.

He'd arranged for two lots of flowers to be sent. One to the funeral in memory of Brooke's parents and one to Brooke to let her know he was thinking of her. He wrote the cards out himself and signed them "O_ur thoughts are with you. Love, Bill, Tom, Simone and Gordon xx_".

Not being able to attend the funeral really affected Bill. He'd spent the following weeks on his own. Crumpled bits of paper covered the floor around him as he tried to put his feelings into words, _into lyrics_. The death of Brooke's parents affected Tom too. He threw himself into his music and consoled himself with a different girl in his bed every night. Bill hated this, but everyone dealt with things differently and he understood that. As long as Tom was being careful, who was he to interfere?

He picked up a pen and started writing in his notebook;

"Keiner weiß, wie's dir geht  
Keiner da, der dich versteht  
Der Tag war dunkel und allein  
Du schreibst Hilfe mit deinem Blut  
Obwohl es immer wieder weh tut  
Du machst die Augen auf und alles bleibt gleich

Ich will nicht stör'n, und ich will auch nicht zu lange bleiben  
Ich bin nur hier um dir zu sagen...

Ich bin da, wenn du willst  
Schau dich um, dann siehst du mich  
Ganz egal, wo du bist  
Wenn du nach mir greifst, dann halt' ich dich

Dein Lebenssinn entleert  
Deine Schatten tonnenschwer  
Und alles was du jetzt brauchst  
Hast du nicht  
Du suchst den Regenbogen  
Er liegt tot vor dir am Boden  
Er hat solang es ging gestrahlt  
Nur für dich

Ich will nicht stör'n und ich will auch nicht zu lange bleiben  
Ich bin nur hier um dir zu sagen  
Du bist nicht alleine  
Ich bin an deiner Seite

Ich bin da, wenn du willst  
Schau dich um, dann siehst du mich  
Ganz egal, wo du bist  
Wenn du nach mir greifst, dann halt' ich dich

Wenn du die Welt nicht mehr verstehst  
Und jeder Tag im Nichts vergeht  
Wenn sich der Sturm nicht mehr legt  
Und du die Nacht nicht mehr erträgst  
Ich bin da, wenn du willst  
Ganz egal wo du bist

An deiner Seite, nur eine Weile

Ich bin da  
Ich bin da, wenn du willst  
Ich bin da, ganz egal wo du bist  
Ich bin da  
Schau in dich rein, dann siehst du mich  
Ganz egal wo du bist  
Wenn du nach mir greifst dann halt' ich dich  
Ich bin da, wenn du willst  
Ganz egal wo du bist

An Deiner Seite, nur eine Weile  
Du bist nicht alleine


	6. Chapter 6

Bill hung up the phone.  
"I've got a surprise for you!" He smiled at Brooke, "Tom's going to meet us there!"  
It was around 7pm now. He threw some cash on the table, probably too much, and grabbed Brooke's hand as they ran out of the restaurant.  
A car pulled up in front of them and Bill opened the door. After five minutes Brooke started to get impatient. Something she and Bill had in common.  
"So, where are we going?" she asked.  
"Ah, now that would be telling!" He smirked. He looked like Tom when he did that. Brooke noticed how much his face had changed in the few years they'd been apart.  
"Billlllll! Tell meeee!" she pleaded.  
"You'll see when we get there" he laughed now.  
She huffed and folded her arms across her chest. Bill giggled as she pulled faces.

"Here we are." The driver said as the car slowed to a halt.  
Brooke's eyes widened as she saw where they were. She jumped out of the car excitedly and looked around at her surroundings.  
"I knew you'd like it" Bill grinned. She embraced him in a huge hug.  
"Well, well, well! What do we have here?"  
Brooke turned around to see where the voice came from.  
"TOMI?!" The two shared a warm cuddle before Tom felt a soft blow to his arm. He laughed, knowing that she'd have tried her hardest to hurt him with that punch.  
"Oww" he faked.  
"You pig! You couldn't even call your best friend?!" she shouted.  
A look of sadness washed over Tom's face, "I'm sorry B".  
She laughed and hugged him again. "Don't worry, I've had it out with my favourite little Kaulitz, we're all good."  
"Your favourite, huh?" He looked offended, but Brooke laughed it off.  
"Now...I want to go in there!!!" She squealed, pointing at the huge fairground in front of them.  
She grabbed the twin's hands and ran towards the gates.

Brooke stopped suddenly.  
"It's closed?" she frowned.  
"Well, to normal members of the public, yes." A mischievous smile stretched across Tom's face.  
"What?" Brooke didn't understand.  
"Being a famous rock star, such as myself and my baby brother...you get special treatment. And when you're friends with such amaaaazing superstars like us... YOU get special treatment too."  
She was still confused.  
Bill draped his arm around her shoulder casually. "The park is closed to everybody but us." He explained. "Oh, and our bandmates...you remember Georg and Gustav?"  
She nodded, too shocked to speak.

As they walked through the gates of the fairground all the rides lit up and the music started, causing them to jump. They laughed it off and ran towards the candyfloss stall.  
"OHMYGOD!!!!!!!" Brooke was beyond amazed.  
She'd already devoured half the bag of candyfloss before she realised they'd be joined by two handsome boys.  
Tom and Bill laughed as she looked embarrassed and waited for an introduction.  
"Georg, Gustav... this is Brooke!" Bill said excitedly.  
"Ah, the infamous Brooke..." Georg kissed her cheek and pulled her in for a hug, "we've heard a lot about you."  
Gustav smiled and shook her hand, "Hi" he said quietly.

Her eyes widened as she saw something over Gustav's shoulder...  
She watched as it went round, the lights flashing. It was the biggest Ferris wheel she'd ever seen!  
"I WANT TO GO ON THATTTTT!!" Brooke screamed, dragging Bill behind her. "Come onnnn!!!"  
They sat down on the Ferris wheel, still holding hands.  
"Thanks for coming on with me Billa!"  
She kissed him on the cheek, catching the corner of his mouth slightly. She blushed and Bill giggled nervously. He looked at her lips, full and glossy, the lip ring he loved so much caught the light. He leant in closer and pressed his lips against hers. She found herself kissing him back.

The ride started to move and they recoiled in shock.  
"Wow that was weird!" Bill blushed.  
"Yeah," she agreed "but I kinda liked it..." She leant in for another kiss.

~

~  
*

Tom watched as Bill dragged Brooke away from the Ferris wheel, they'd been on for at least half an hour.  
"Not _againnnn_!" Bill pleaded.  
They laughed at each other and Tom was glad. He hadn't seen his baby brother this happy in **three** years. He looked at Brooke, noticing the same beauty Bill had earlier. Her full lips and chocolate eyes sparked an interest and Tom felt a familiar feeling wash over him, the pang of jealousy that told him he wanted her.

Tom had only been in love once. He was 16 and had been with his girlfriend, Casey, for 2 years. She was the first girl he kissed, the first girl he had sex with and the first girl he said "I Love You" to. At the time, he couldn't have imagined his life without her. How things changed... A few months before the band had gone to America Tom found out Casey had been having an affair with someone they went to school with. There'd been a huge fight at school and both Tom and Casey's _other_ boyfriend were suspended for a week. Bill had been there to support his brother through the heartache. Though Tom would never admit how heartbroken he _really_ was, he was never really the same after that. Girls became play things and it was almost a game to see how many he could bed, how many numbers he could get or how many different girls he could kiss. Leading them on was all part of the fun, making them think they had a chance with **THE **Tom Kaulitz, only to let them down and break their hearts, like Casey had done to him.

He bit his lip playfully as he draped his arm around her shoulder.  
"I think we have some catching up to do..." he smiled.  
She looked at Bill, as if she was waiting for his permission.  
"Don't mind me..." he joked.  
"It won't take long." Tom was very sure of himself.

They sat on a bench looking up at the night sky. Brooke couldn't decide whether it was the stars lighting the night sky or just the brightness of the fairground lights reflecting into the darkness. Whatever it was, it looked beautiful.

"Don't I get a hug?" Tom asked and she obliged.  
"I missed you." He whispered softly into her ear.  
"Oh really?" She smirked, "You sure had a funny way of showing it..."  
"I could think of a better way to show you?" he was smirking now too.

Brooke laughed. Tom hadn't changed at all. He'd always thought he was something special, not a quality she found attractive in most people, but Tom pulled it off.

A look of horror appeared on her face.  
"Tom! What are you doing??"  
"Well I was _going_ to kiss you..."  
"What makes you think I **want** to be kissed?!" She could feel the heat radiating from her blushing cheeks.  
"Come onnn...who would want to be kissed by these lips!" he laughed.  
"...Me."  
She started to walk away.  
"Brooke...wait!" Tom called after her. "I'm sorry, I-"  
"Don't worry about it." She cut him off.  
"I didn't mean to upset you-"  
"You didn't." She lied.

It was getting late now and Brooke felt slightly queasy. A combination of the fast rides, too much fairground candy and possibly the hybrid of emotions stirred up inside her. It had been a long day; she had her best friends back, she'd kissed the one she was in love with and the other had tried to kiss her. Wait...she was in love with Bill.

Brooke doubled over in pain as the emotions came flooding back. She'd spent weeks crying over him and how he left her, she remembered the last day they spent together and how she want to kiss him and beg him not to leave, hoping she could change his mind, like in her dream.

She felt a pair of arms wrap around her.  
"It's ok," Bill said as he stroked her hair, "I'm here now."


	7. Chapter 7

Bill hugged Brooke tightly as she sobbed in his arms. "It's alright," he said as he continued to stroke her hair, "everything is going to be ok."  
"Take me home?" She asked.

Bill had told the others he was going to take Brooke home. Tom, Gustav and Georg decided to stay at the fairground but promised they'd call tomorrow once they'd woken up from the _long_ sleep they each planned to take in their _**own**_ beds. Bill gave the driver Brooke's address and they were on their way. She eventually cried herself to sleep, her head on Bill's shoulder.

He hadn't seen her like this before. She wasn't the kind of girl to wear hear heart on her sleeve. He'd only seen her cry once, when they were 8 she fell off the roundabout and broke her leg, nothing could have stopped the tears that day. But these tears were for a different kind of pain. These tears were for years of pain, torment and longing, tears of loss.... These tears were a release.

He scooped her up into his arms and carried her to the door, where he realised, she had the key. He looked down at her sleeping, her arms wrapped around his neck. Even asleep she looked sad. The arm of her jacket was loose revealing the skin on her arms. Bill almost dropped her as his stomach churned. What had she done to herself? He thought, looking at the deep red wounds on her skin. He shook her gently to wake her.

"Brooke? Brooke, we're home."  
She stirred and mumbled to herself as she came around. He put her down gently and watched as she searched her pockets for the key. Once she'd opened the door she turned to face Bill who was still standing on the porch.  
"Will you stay...please?" She asked.  
"Of course" he smiled as he entered the house. He hadn't planned on going home.  
Bill sat on the sofa as Brooke sorted some drinks in the kitchen.  
"Here we go, is white wine okay?" she asked. Bill nodded.  
"I'm so glad you're home Billa."  
"Me too." He took a sip. He was going to need some Dutch courage.  
"I'm just going to get changed...these heels might look cute but they kill my feet!" she laughed.

Bill downed the glass of wine. How was he going to approach this? He needed to talk to Brooke about the cuts on her arms, but they'd just been reunited...he didn't want to upset her. He thought about it for a while, and then took a deep breath. He knew how she was feeling, yet he still couldn't find the words he was searching for. As his eyes scanned the room they came across a photograph; It was Bill, Tom and Brooke with their parents. The twins and their best friend posed happily with their brand new bikes, the very bikes they'd practically _begged_ their parents for one Christmas. It was a happy time for them all.

Brooke sat down on the sofa next to Bill with her wine glass in hand. She'd changed into her pyjamas; a long sleeved red t-shirt, black bottoms and fluffy red socks. Bill had to laugh at the socks.  
"So, that kiss..." Brooke started.  
"Yeah," Bill blushed.  
"I really want to tell you something." She looked pretty serious.  
"There's something I wanted to talk to you about too" he took her hand, "I'm not quite sure how to say it bu-"  
"Spit it out Billa" she laughed "you know you can talk to me!"  
"I saw the cuts Brooke..."  
She pulled her hand away and tugged nervously at her sleeves.  
"My friend has a cat. We were playing and he got a bit wild" she lied.  
"They're not cat scratches Brooke."  
"They are, I swear!"  
"Brooke...they're not cat scratches." He repeated.  
"How would you know?!" desperation rose in her voice.  
He pulled up his own sleeve to reveal matching scars.  
Brooke dropped to her knees as she cried. She cried for herself, for being found out and for Bill; for her little Billa and the pain that had caused him to destroy himself too.

Bill looked down at his arm, the scars were a faded purple, the older ones almost white. He hadn't self harmed in a while. He was almost caught once and when he couldn't stop the bleeding he freaked out, he didn't want to die, he just needed the release. Was it hypocritical of him to help Brooke when he'd been just as bad? He found himself kneeling on the floor next to her, holding her as she sobbed.  
"I just want to help Brooke."  
"I know," she cried, "I can't help it!"  
"It's ok," he reassured her, "we'll figure this out."  
She looked up at him, tears and make up staining her face, and gently planted a kiss on his lips.  
"I missed you so much Billa."  
"I missed you too."  
He kissed her back, more passionately this time, before lifting her arm and kissing every one of her scars. She sniffed as she held back more tears.

"Please don't think I forgot about you Brooke." Bill started.  
"I thought about you every day, I called a few times but things got in the way...I even sent flowers when you're parents..."  
She winced as he said the words. "They were from you?"  
Bill looked confused.  
"I saw the ones for my parents, they were beautiful by the way, I just thought your manager would have arranged them...then a bouquet came to the house but there was no card...they were from you?"  
"They were from all of us."  
She embraced him in a hug. "Thank you." The tears flowed again and she cursed herself for being so emotional. This wasn't how she saw her reunion with Bill.  
"Why did you do it?" he asked.  
"I don't know..." she avoided eye contact. "I just needed the release."  
He could relate to that.  
"I was lonely Bill; my two best friends had moved to the other side of the world, indefinitely. I had nobody else. Then my parents die..." The words got stuck in her throat. "I needed you Billa."  
She took a deep breath.  
"Cutting was the only way I could let it all out, you know?"  
He nodded.  
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Brooke-bear."  
She laughed at the name. He hadn't called her that for years, but the way he said it now gave her butterflies.  
"What about you?" She asked.  
"Umm, I needed you too. Being in America was great, writing and recording songs, being with Tom, Georg and Gustav...having Mutti and Gordon there every step of the way. The gigs were amazing, we have a huge fan base now and we met some awesome people, but none of it was the same without _**you**_ Brooke. I couldn't even call you. I realised nothing was worth that pain..."  
She understood.  
"I want to show you something..."

She took Bill's hand and led him up the stairs to her bedroom.


	8. Chapter 8

Bill looked around her room. Not a lot had changed but he could tell she'd matured. The hot pink duvet cover had been replaced with a deep red one, posters were missing from the walls and the single bed had been replaced with a double. Bill wondered if that meant she'd had boyfriends stay over and he felt a little jealous. She led him to the bed and sat him down.

A lifetime of memories flashed through Bill's head; the sleepovers they'd had in this very room as kids, the first time Brooke made him wait outside while she changed claiming she was a "woman" now, the first kiss they shared and how disgusting it was. He smiled, remembering. They'd heard one of the popular girls at school telling everybody about her boyfriend and that he was an amazing kisser, they wondered what all the fuss was about so they decided to give it ago, they wished they hadn't. It was disastrous!

"Here," she said handing him an open book, "read this."  
His eyes scanned the pages. It was her diary.

**12th July  
**_I miss Bill so much. Why couldn't I make him stay?  
I've had the same dream almost every night since he left...  
He tells me he's going to America with Tomi, Georg and Gustav and I cry. Then I kiss him and I tell him I love him. Those 3 simple words change his mind and he stays with me, I'm his...forever. I've never felt this way about anybody before. I thought it was just because we're best friends, but it's more than that. I mean, I miss Tomi, but not like this. My heart hurts without Billa; he's my life, my soul...my everything. Only, I realised it too late. I wish I could tell him how I feel. It might be too late but I need him to know. What if he feels the same way about me?_

I know Mum and Dad have been in touch with Simone, so why hasn't Bill called? Was I such a bad friend? Would it be so hard for him to pick up a phone and tell me that he misses me? Mum and Dad have been great. I know they're missing Billa and Tomi too. It's not the same without them around to drink all the milk or leave the toilet seat up. I can't believe I even miss them borrowing my stuff without asking! Mum still makes too much food on Sundays. I don't think she's adjusted to Tom and Bill not being around anymore...

Greenday's new album came out today. I bought two copies; one for me and one for Bill. That way, when he comes home, he won't have to steal mine. It would've been great to have gone shopping with him to buy it though. He would have been so excited. I hope he comes home soon.

He looked at the opposite page; it was stained with old blood.

_Ich bin hier irgendwo gelandet  
Kann nicht mehr sagen, we rich bin  
Ha die Erinnerung verloren  
Die Bilder ergeben keinen Sinn  
Bring mich zurück, bring mich nach Haus  
Ich schäff's nicht allein hier raus_

Hilf mir Fliegen.

"Where's my CD?" He asked.  
Brooke laughed, glad that he'd made a joke of it, though slightly worried he'd think she was weird or obsessed now.  
"Brooke..." He didn't know what to say.  
"Do you have a pen and some paper?" He asked.  
She handed him a notebook and her favourite writing pen. She watched lovingly as he concentrated on the paper. He seemed to be taking forever. After a long time scribbling messily on the pad he put the pen down and cleared his throat.

_"Ich bin hier irgendwo gelandet  
Kann nicht mehr sagen, wer ich bin  
Hab die Erinnerung verloren  
Die Bilder ergeben keinen Sinn  
Bring mich zurück, bring mich nach Haus  
Ich schäff's nicht allein hier raus_

Komm und hilf mir Fliegen  
Leih mir deine Flügel  
Ich Tausch sie gegen die Welt  
Gegen alles, was mich hält  
Ich tausch sie heute Nacht  
gegen alles was ich hab

erzähl mir alle lügen  
Mach es so, dass ich es glaub  
Sonst krieg ich keine Luft mehr  
Und diese Stille macht mich taub  
Nur graue Mauern und kein Licht  
Alles hier ist ohne mich

Ich find mich hier nicht wieder  
Erkenn mich selbst nicht mehr  
Komm und zieh mich raus hier  
Ich gib alles dafür her  
Ich hab Fernweh  
Und will züruck  
Entfern mich immer weiter  
Mit jedem Augenblick"

Goose pimples covered her arms as she listened to him sing. She craved that voice _**so**_ much and to finally hear it again was like...it was like heaven. Not only that but he was singing **her** words; words that came from inside her heart, the very heart that was now pounding in her chest, almost ready to explode. She placed her hands on either side of his face and kissed his lips as she straddled him. He slipped his tongue between her lips and embraced the moment. It had been a long time coming. Lying on her bed he rolled over so he was on top. He held her hands up either side of her head and kissed her with such intensity that they both felt their lips swell slightly with the passion. She slipped off her t-shirt and threw it onto the floor. Bill studied her bra, and the goodies inside! He kissed along each arm until he got to her chest, there he moved her strap and kissed her shoulders along to her neck and her jaw line. She couldn't take it anymore. She wanted him. _She needed him._

"Do you...have...a condom..." She asked breathlessly, trying not to break away from their kiss.  
He shook his head and climbed off her.  
"Bathroom!" She jumped up off the bed and ran to the bathroom at the end of the hall. He could hear her rummaging through the cabinet.

He knew it was wrong but he couldn't help flicking through the pages. He stopped at one that caught his eye.

_"Komm und rette mich, Ich verbrenne innerlich  
Komm und rette mich, Ich schaff's nicht ohne dich  
Komm und rette mich, Rette mich, Rette mich"_

His heart sank.  
He should've been here.


End file.
